Well if your not familiar with that term you should look it up because you don’t realize how many boxes life has you opening. Im a true believer in feelings that are trapped inside cripple the thought process. I don’t have no concrete evidence that it is true but I know within myself that truma in my life has messed up the way I think.
25 Years ago i was sexually abused by my moms husbands brother. For the first time since last night I told My mom about it and it was a big stress reliever but it was a pandora s box that i didn’t want to open till i felt it was the right time. All these years holding that inside might of sent me to this closing off to the rest of the world including my mom.
This has also put me in a state of self awareness that i have never thought about before like why i don’t remember things well as a child. But these Memories Only surfaced after I had become a father and i was amazed at how much my daughter remembers things. Had i had not of had this sexual experience i might of not looked into sexual actions at such a early age.
I was always really freaky as a young kid but never knew why or really cared to know. It gave me a false knowledge of what i was doing and i rushed into things when i wasn’t ready. For example when females first thought they liked boys and Boys Thought girls was annoying i was trying to get with the girls.
The boys would go out and play ball or get on there bikes i was trying to play doctor with the neighbors daughter. So now with this Out and in the open I hope this has a positive effect on me and not bring more turmoil to a already hostile situation with my everyday life.